Purdue expert: Overall divorce rates lowest in decades but ‘gray divorce’ soars

Rosie Shrout

Written by: Tim Brouk, tbrouk@purdue.edu

The fastest rising demographic dissolving marriages through “D-I-V-O-R-C-E” are members of “A-A-R-P.”

For people ages 65 and older, the divorce rate was 15% in 2022, about triple of such rates in the 1990s for the same age set, according to the Institute for Family Studies. These numbers open eyes because overall divorce rates have dipped significantly in the last few decades.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), U.S. divorce and annulment overall rates in the 2020s have a low range of 2.3-2.5% per 1,000 total population. The most divorce-free year came in 2020, the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. The divorce rates in the 1980s and 1990s were higher than 4%. In other words and numbers, 2022 saw 673,989 divorces and annulments, but there were about 955,000 such separations granted in the United States back in 2002.

“Some possible reasons for gray divorce are because of our increased longevity. People are less willing to endure unhappy marriages for so long and are more optimistic that they will find another partner. And so older adults are more willing to divorce than they were in the past,” explained Rosie Shrout, assistant professor in the Purdue University Department of Human Development and Family Science. “Because people are living longer, there are more opportunities to develop new romantic relationships across adulthood, including after a divorce or widowhood.”

So along with a new sweater for your aunt next Christmas, you may have to help her set up her new Hinge profile.

Most common reasons women file for a “gray divorce” are similar in midlife as they are in younger years — verbal, physical and mental abuse by a partner. Shrout cited recent studies by Susan L. Brown and I-Fen Lin to back her stance, which find women are more likely to initiate the “gray divorce.”

“Men, however, are more likely to remarry sooner after divorce than women,” Shrout said.

Why go ‘gray?’

Shrout said women filing for a gray divorce are often in a better position than their mothers were or even when they themselves were younger. She noted since 2010, every state in the United States has a no-fault divorce law on the books, which allows couples to end a marriage without needing to prove one spouse is at fault, citing reasons such as “irreconcilable differences” or “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage” instead.

Women are also in a better place in terms of financial independence, education and career experience than they were in the 1970s and 1980s, Shrout noted. Older women can leave an unhappy marriage with more confidence.

“Compared to decades ago, women couldn’t own their own bank accounts; they couldn’t have their own credit cards. They were admitted to college at much lower rates, and they were having kids and getting married at a younger age,” Shrout continued. “Today, we have a generation of older women who have been able to attend college, have careers, and make their own money. If they are unhappy, they now have the economic independence and autonomy to divorce in older age rather than previous generations of women who might not have had the same opportunities.”

Dissatisfied and conflictual couples staying together until the children are grown is problematic but still a reason older adults choose to divorce later. However, Shrout said some research indicates that unhappy couples shouldn’t wait until the kids leave the home.

“There is research showing that leaving a bad relationship can be better for your health than staying in it. For people with kids, divorce may be a better alternative than exposing them to high conflict, and many children of parents who argue a lot have noted relief,” she added. “Before the 1950s, divorce was rare, and there was considerable social pressure to stay married, even if it was a bad and abusive marriage. But now, divorce is linked with the pursuit of individual satisfaction, and there is less social pressure to stay married. Having children is no longer as big of a deterrent to getting divorced as it was in the past.”

Divorce rates down, number of marriages down 

One reason for lower overall divorce rates is there have been fewer marriages in the 2020s than previous decades. Including pandemic-stricken 2020, which had the outlying low of only 1.68 million marriages, there were 7.76 million marriages from 2019-22, according to Statista.com. This is 12.22% down from the previous four-year subset (2015-18) of 8.84 million nuptials. COVID-19’s impact is undeniable, but Shrout said societal changes have also reduced marriage rates today.

“Many people are cohabitating and/or having children instead of marrying and are not remarrying after divorce or in widowhood. In fact, fewer than half of American adults are married today,” Shrout said. “People no longer need to be married to have financial independence, like owning their own bank account or credit card or being able to work outside the home.”

Older adults often forgo marriage but remain in a committed relationship. Shrout said cohabitation without marriage is a popular choice among older adults, just like younger couples. Other older couples prefer to “live apart together,” maintaining separate homes while in a committed relationship.

Couple and family therapy rates have increased in the 2020s. The stigma of going to therapy has decreased, as documented by American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy studies that stated “after receiving treatment, almost 90% of clients report an improvement in their emotional health, and nearly two-thirds report an improvement in their overall physical health. … over three-fourths of those receiving marital/couples or family therapy report an improvement in the couple relationship.” The association found more than 70% of such couples reported improved relationships.

Shrout said such therapy can help the union early and later in the marriage.

“Couple and family therapy is very effective. It’s a really wonderful resource that a lot of people use,” Shrout concluded. “It is important for insurance companies to cover couple and family therapy to make it accessible to all couples so that they can be proactive, strengthen their relationships, and build their communication and coping toolbelt so that they are prepared in the face of hardship.”