Chair Corner with Sara Mellady
A dear friend of mine has a teenage son who is autistic. He is a sweet young man and has started working in the last six months at a pizza restaurant down the street from me. I picked him up from work last month to take him home. During the drive, he shared details about his shift with me. Since he started, he had been given one task to complete for each pizza, like shaping the dough or putting on the sauce, and he was slowly learning new tasks. But on this night, he made a full pizza all by himself! This was a huge accomplishment to him! He knew how to make the dough, what to put on the pizza, the correct order of ingredients, everything. There was one problem: he didn’t spread out the ingredients the way he should have, so the sausage and pepperoni were piled in one area on the pizza. His manager was not happy. He didn’t stick with his assigned duty and instead made the entire pizza, and the manager took time to berate him for his initiative. When he shared this, we talked about what he learned and how he could make it better moving forward. But what struck me is how he went from feeling so proud and accomplished to utterly deflated. He was frustrated in the approach and reprimand from his manager and he said, “Sara, I just needed him to appreciate the effort.”
That one phrase has stuck with me since our conversation. “I needed him to appreciate the effort.” How often do we try and fail? Frequently, at least on my part. It’s part of learning. What worked, what didn’t, what can we improve, what should we no longer do, is there a different approach, etc.? But many times when we fail, we – and sometimes others – focus more on the failure itself and not the effort we put into every step of the process, or the courage it took to even try.
Everything in life requires some sort of effort. Relationships, school, work, parenting, healthy lifestyles … sometimes those efforts are on a smaller scale, getting out of bed without hitting snooze or doing the laundry after a hard day. But are we so focused on what went wrong that we forget to value the work that has been put into it? This has caused me to reflect on where am I putting my efforts and where those around me are putting theirs. Am I taking the time to appreciate the work that is going into each thing? Am I reciprocating? Am I letting people know their effort is valued and appreciated, even if there is still something to learn in the process?
Yes, sweet boy, we need to appreciate the effort! Where can you show that appreciation this month? Maybe it is in a relationship with your partner or spouse. Maybe with your children or an employee. Maybe it is just appreciating the efforts you are putting into something important in your life. Whatever it is, I encourage you to take some time and appreciate the efforts you put in and others put into you.
As always, be sure to follow us on Facebook and Twitter. You can also visit our website for additional information or email me at cssacexec@purdue.edu or sjmellad@purdue.edu.
All the best,
Sara
