Purdue News

February 4, 2004

Purdue University experts can talk about a variety of topics related to Valentine's Day, such as romantic relationships and friendships.

1. Best friends forever: Child expert says quality of friendship important

2. Romance classics still popular with today's readers

3. Expert advises advice-givers to rethink their words

Best friends forever: Child expert says quality of friendship important

Just because a child's best friend is well-behaved doesn't always mean it is a quality friendship, says a Purdue University expert in childhood friendships.

"Parents should ask themselves, 'How do my child's closest friends influence him or her?'" says Thomas Berndt, professor of psychological sciences and an expert in the development of friendships during childhood and adolescence. "And I don't mean peer influence, such as getting the child into trouble. I mean are the friends rivals? What about the quality of the relationship? Do those friends seem to be exploiting or manipulating the other child?"

Berndt, who has studied friendships in children ages 6-18, says it's important for parents to consider such negative effects from possible friendships.

"Children who are manipulated by other children, especially their best friend, can develop attitude or behavior problems," he says. "Even close friendships can be a bad influence if such negative interactions occur frequently."

CONTACT: Berndt, (765) 494-6061, berndt@psych.purdue.edu

Romance classics still popular with today's readers

Many contemporary women still dream of being courted like the heroines in 19th century novels, says a Purdue literature expert.

"Romance is not dead," says Emily Allen, associate professor of English and an expert in 18th and 19th century British literature. "Readers are still captivated by classic love stories, and all the more so because these novels appear to offer something new that today's readers feel they have lost – romance, leisure, slow courtship and clear choices."

Reality dating shows, on the other hand, offer only a parody of these classic courtship narratives, she says.

"I see reality TV as a symptom of the very loss of romance that readers of classic novels long to escape," Allen says.

Readers find fantasy solutions to problems in their lives, romantic or otherwise, in novels like those by Jane Austen or the Bronte sisters, Allen says.

"Of course, these books were no less fantasies of a kind when they were written, but then that is how they work their magic," she says.

CONTACT: Allen, (765) 494-1478, elallen@purdue.edu

Expert advises advice-givers to rethink their words

When people give advice they may not realize they are doing more harm than good, says a Purdue University expert on interpersonal relationships.

"People mean well, but when they try to help a friend, significant other or colleague manage their emotions, they can cause distress," says Brant Burleson, a professor of communication.

Burleson can talk about how advice-givers can sharpen their comforting skills. For example, if a friend is sad or distressed, don't encourage the person to focus on something else or to think of other positive things in his or her life. Even trying to distract them may only provide temporary relief, he says.

"Telling them to concentrate on something else doesn't make them feel better," Burleson says. "You can't change someone's feelings. Instead, encourage the person to talk about his or her feelings or the upsetting situation."

Burleson also can talk about communication skills in romantic relationships and the effects of parental communication skills on the development of children's social skills.

CONTACT: Burleson, (765) 494-3321, brantb@purdue.edu